Stow The Snark

my family

kari and vanessa and jorge

my size 2 body

wearing my cute size 2 wardrobe

vlad

trueblood

good food

good vodka

kissing

ok so most of these were contributed by my sisters, and you may not agree, but i think they’re hilarious :

• jack – “there was this guy who got his legs chopped of, and then he got prostitutes, and they got chopped off too!”
• colt – on the toilet – “oooh! why do they feed me so much CHEESE!?”
• wes – (studying his own toes up on the kitchen table) – “are those not the most adorable toes you’ve ever seen???”
• wes – (when asked why all his clothes were inside-out) – “that’s just how i woll”

now for dillon…i’ve only once before met a kid this quirky (don’t grow out of that too soon wes)…and so here they are (thanks SanFran) :

Dillonisms :

• “Miss Amanda, what happens when you put a band-aid on your privates?”

• “You crack me up all the way to my soul!”

• Eric : “Dillon won’t leave me alone”, Dillon: “Because you’re my best brother in town!”

• Sung while dancing  : “I’m a girl, I’m a girl, I’m a daaaangerous girl!”

• “Miss Amanda, do people smoke in hell?”

• “I didn’t watch where my mouth was going!” (while eating tomatoes)

• “Mom, when we get home I’ll be pleasant, poof!”

the beauty of this blog is that i am fully aware that the only people that will ever read it are my sisters and/or my close friends.  therefore, i have no problem sharing the following sentiments :

i wish i could just leave…move to paris and forget real life for a year or two.  but i know i can’t.  that last sentence may possibly be the saddest thing i’ve ever said “out loud”.

i feel lots of things at any given moment.  it’s a curse, trust me.  but currently two things stand out.  i’m lonely, and i’m tired.  i’m tired of pretending that i’m content with the way things are…that i really dig this independent life i fought so hard for.   i miss having someone to love…and vice versa.  there.  friends, family : do with that what you will.

i wish i had done something important with my life before now.

i think i’d like to try acting….maybe i’d be good at it, who knows.  i did grow up on the stage, and ballet-acting is halfway there, right?

i actually have no idea who i want to be when i grow up.

shaaaall weeee dance (bum bum bum)

on a bright cloud of music

shall we fly!

shall we dance (bum bum bum)

shall we then say goodnight and mean goodbye

or perchance…

when the last little star has left the sky

shall we still be together with our arms around each other and shall you be my new…romance?

on the clear understanding that this kind of thing can happen

shall we dance

shall we dance

shall we dance!

i am a big fan of bar culture/society.  i love it.  name one other easily accessible place which offers as many fascinating people-watching possibilities.  but lately, i’ve been more annoyed than entertained.   the last few times i’ve been out on the town, i’ve noticed some shameful behavior from both the male and female population.  i would like to therefore take this opportunity to clear up a few things, in case any of those shameful people read this blog, which is, admittedly, unlikely.  nonetheless….

(in no specific order)

1.  it is NEVER ok to pay for a cocktail with change.  if you can’t afford to break out the paper money for your coors in a can, stay at home.  this not only offends the bar staff, but everyone who sees it thinks you’re a jack-ass.

2a.  if you’re in the sort of bar that, for example, won’t serve glass bottles because there are too many fights…or has any sort of nut shells on the floor(on purpose)…or is generally referred to as a “pub”…DO NOT play any of the following on the jukebox, i don’t care how hot you are, sally:

• brittany/christina/beyonce/etc
• jack johnson
• anyone who won american idol
• showtunes, unless sung by frank or dean
• george michael
• any “dance remix” of ANYTHING

2b.  no matter what sort of bar you’re in, it is NEVER EVER EVER acceptable to play more than one journey/boston/styx song in a row.  we all like a good “don’t stop believing” sing-along now and then, but moderation is key, bro.

3.  don’t start fights with bouncers.  it’s just stupid.  and it makes you look like a jack-ass.  again.

4.  no, i will NOT buy you a drink, dude.  and not because i can’t afford it or i mind buying a round…because you asked.  i’m a girl!  if you’re hitting on me, you’re supposed to buy ME a drink, not the other way around!

5.  ladies, if it’s below 60 degrees outside, PUT SOME CLOTHES ON.  we know you’re miserable and freezing to death.  how hottttt you are in that tube top doesn’t make you look any less like a moron.

6. gentlemen, for the last time, pull your f-ing pants up.  that sagging jeans thing….it looks stupid, and ill-advised fashion choices have the power to make most of us girls dismiss the idea of sleeping with you, even if you’re otherwise a catch.  fyi.

and last but not least :

5.  hey freshman idiotboy(you know who you are) – just because you were able to weasel your way into the bar with your big brother’s ID doesn’t mean you’re old enough or ALLOWED to “accidentally” grab my ass and/or attempt to hit on me.  go dry-hump your kappa-delta-whatever girlfriend in your dorm room and leave me alone.

ahhhhhh…..i feel better now.

i’ve had this blog thingy for a while now.  i suppose i should start posting now and then.  so here goes.

first off, i’ve been strictly instructed by my lovely nephew to inform you, internet, that the title of this blog is totally his doing.   and since he’s 12 and can totally beat me up, i’d better comply.  however, it’s actually only half true…yes, “stow the snark!” is a command i pulled out of thin air and pure exhaustion one day while scolding him – don’t worry, he totally deserved it…he’s a master of the snark- but it was MY idea to use that as my blog title.

see what i did there, jack?   you’re not the boss of me.

anywho.  here i am, internet.  be gentle with me.

xoxo, k